whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
