I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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