don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
