Who did Billy Mays play for?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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