Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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