I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
