i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
