i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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