In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize