Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
