nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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