How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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