I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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