so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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