you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i think i have herpe
just one?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just blew my weed a kiss
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
