I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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