I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
