He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
