I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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