She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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