Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"