i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.