Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...