Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

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  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (3942) Bad night (632)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.

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  (253): I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby. http://tfl.nu/itl7
  Replies (9) Good night (603) Bad night (2715)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid

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  (215): So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling (215): on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid http://tfl.nu/4rn1
  Replies (54) Good night (2072) Bad night (1403)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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  (612): I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/g2gc
  Replies (127) Good night (5885) Bad night (639)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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  (845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73
  Replies (33) Good night (603) Bad night (8283)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

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  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (6143) Bad night (1030)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips

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  (630): I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips http://tfl.nu/376c
  Replies (7) Good night (5103) Bad night (805)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room

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  (609): im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room http://tfl.nu/jxea
  Replies (22) Good night (740) Bad night (4226)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.

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  (780): Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance. http://tfl.nu/w65a
  Replies (17) Good night (3246) Bad night (762)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.

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  (214): New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle. http://tfl.nu/kelj
  Replies (33) Good night (4832) Bad night (1096)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I think there was chlamydia in those woods.

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  (920): I think there was chlamydia in those woods. http://tfl.nu/fxcg
  Replies (5) Good night (647) Bad night (2260)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me

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  (770): Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me http://tfl.nu/jae3
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (1394)
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  (718): View more from New York

  She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.

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  (718): She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on. http://tfl.nu/7c2k
  Replies (4) Good night (1177) Bad night (395)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.

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  (717): Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale. http://tfl.nu/0gl5
  Replies (2) Good night (397) Bad night (809)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Why is your solution always to masturbate

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  Because it usually works

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  (801): Why is your solution always to masturbate (1-801): Because it usually works http://tfl.nu/41jb
  Replies (4) Good night (753) Bad night (191)

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