I want to make a zoo with you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
