he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."