Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
