Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
