How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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