apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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