if i can run in heels then i can drive
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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