you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
