At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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