so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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