he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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