Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
