If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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