chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This house was built for laser tag.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
