My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
