Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
