I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.