Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.