hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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