I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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