Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
