He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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