Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
