i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
