is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
