Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
