how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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