Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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