best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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