You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
