Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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