just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
