So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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