I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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