he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
