so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
