It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
