Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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